Photo: Castello di Torrechiara, one of the many castles used as controls.

“Perché faticare così tanto?
Perché spingersi oltre il dolore?”

Filippelli Vecchia Parma, 17th March 2025

This message was contained in the thank you mail from the organisers of the 11th 200km Randonnée Valli Parmensi e dei Castelli del Ducato, 16th March 2025.

The questions being posed were:

Why struggle so much?
Why push through the pain?

The very same questions Lorenzo and I asked eachother whilst struggling up a climb.

It also contained these words:

Chi ha pedalato oggi non cercava la vittoria, cercava una risposta (Those who cycled today were not looking for victory, they were looking for an answer).

So true. My question was “What state was I in after two weeks of indulgence in Buenos Aires?”

The answer?

It depends when you asked me. Up to the control at 124 km I would have said “I’m OK considering”. That even included the 15% climb up to Castello di Torrechiara.

I was riding with Lorenzo and Alessandro. I’d lost time with a puncture at 37 km, then they caught up with me on the first big climb of the day. At the Canossa control, 55km, they asked if I’d like to ride with them. Sensing that might be a good idea I happily said yes.

If you asked me after the 124 km control then you would have got a very different answer. The controller warned us that we’d be battling the wind from here on in. He was right. It was brutal at times. Fatigue started to kick in, then cramp in my left arm, twinges in both knees, acid reflux as I’d forgotten to take my Omeprazole. Lorenzo and Alessandro helped me along the flats but in the climbs we were on our own, suffering in our own way.

The last climb of the day was 8km long at 4-5% the whole way up. I felt like shit. I wanted to stop and rest but that would only break my rhythm and delay the inevitable. I was wretching from the acid reflux but couldn’t be sick. This was not fun. I kept returning to the question of the day. Why?

Along the crest at 650m it was bitterly cold. 4° ambient, minus something with the wind chill. The wind was so strong it blew us across the road. Just as well there was virtually no traffic. Feeling terrible and in danger of being blown over I was so glad to get down safely to the final control at 175km.

Despite two pairs of gloves I couldn’t feel my fingers. I couldn’t eat. I felt nauseous. I just had to get to the finish with whatever I had left. Fortunately, what I had left was Lorenzo and Alessandro. It was all downhill/flat but they rode on the front to drag me along.

We were three until we were four. We passed a rider waiting at the side of the road. He jumped on the back of us. As it got dark we discovered why. He was dressed completeley in black, on a black bike, with no lights or even anything reflective on him or the bike. He was looking for a group to get him home. As I was at the back I put him in front of me so my front light would light his path and my rear light would warn traffic of our presence. As I was being helped I felt obliged to pass on the favour but I was also angry at the stupidity of entering an event completley unprepared for the dark.

At the finish I was completely drained. I managed two mouthfuls of the pasta. Nothing else. I wanted to take a photo of the three of us but all I could manage was this. I felt as shit as I looked.

I couldn’t even hold the medal the right way around.

My thanks to the Filippelli Vecchia Parma cycling club for excellent organisation as always but especially to Lorenzo and Alessandro for all their help getting me round. If you want to see pictures of the various castles we visited then see my blog from last year’s event. I felt much better a year ago, I had time to take photos and still finished 2 hours quicker than I did this year: Rando Valli Parmensi 2024

To answer the question of why, it came in that email we all received today:

“Because fatigue is a small price to pay for the privilege of feeling alive. Because each ride is a declaration of freedom, a gentle but stubborn rejection of immobility and surrender.
The answer never comes with words. It comes with the pounding of the heart at the top of a climb, with the shortness of breath that becomes deep breathing at the sight of a descent. It comes with the knowledge that, despite everything, you are still in the saddle.” Filippelli Vecchia Parma.

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